(no subject)

[eve11]

I'm actually somewhat glad I have a hockey game on Thursday night, because I will have an excuse not to watch the Steelers/Ravens game and listen to a bunch of uncomfortable talking heads talk about Ray Rice. Amazing what the difference between saying and seeing is. Amazing. Everyone knows what happened in that elevator. What must have happened to that woman. But if you don't have video evidence of what that kind of violence really means, you can listen to all of the "benefit of the doubt", "she assaulted him", "both are culpable" bullshit, let it worm its way under your skin, let it build a veil of denial and whatever the ef the opposite of empathy is. Football bigwigs are reeling today, and it is not because of surprise. It is because they were finally forced to watch what actions they were equivocating, debating, downplaying and protecting. Before Rice was summarily dumped by the Ravens this morning, one of our local radio personalities was so tone deaf and clueless about the complete institutionalization of violence against women and misogyny in the macho-macho sports world he inhabits that he posted a Hey Women's groups, where are you, you need to speak up! article basically using this disgusting incident as a way to shame Ravens fans...and particularly female Ravens fans.

Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong, so wrong. No sir, you do not get to escape the shaming of this culture that you inhabit by throwing it back in womens' faces and telling us it's our problem. Not even by benevolently mansplaining to us that we have power! It doesn't fucking work that way. Women's groups have fucking been speaking for a long fucking time. You haven't been listening. You pander to a constituency who still find fart jokes funny and happen to think that gender equality means "hit anyone back" instead of "don't hit anyone," you who make a living riling people up with meaningless "controversial opinions," do not give this the same treatment.

You, sir, read this. It was even written by a man so maybe you'll hear it. Maybe you'll listen.

ETA: from brittdreams, Keith Olbermann gets it.

Comments

[lordshiva.livejournal.com]

And here's the thing I think about also: wife gets blamed for the guy losing his job. Not by all of us, but where it counts - in her home with a man who knocked her out in an elevator and then treated her unconscious body with such alarming disregard that I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

[eve11]

I have thought this as well. Ray Rice has certainly been groomed by everyone around him and beyond to lay blame anywhere but on him. Also it reminds me of the crazy tweets War Machine (or whatever his real non-UFC name is) kept tweeting after he nearly murdered Christy Mack.

Nearly murdered. You look at that hit and that's what it is. Knocking someone unconscious is only a non-life-threatening assault in the movies and TV (ubiquitously so).

[lordshiva.livejournal.com]

I wonder if Janay Rice had actually seen the video of what happened inside the elevator when she apologized for her role in the incident at that press conference. Because evidence would be hard to ignore even if you couldn't remember exactly what happened. SEEING it - yikes.

[clocketpatch]

Not owning a TV or being at all into football I hadn't heard about this until now. It makes me want to throw up in my mouth a bit.

[eve11]

A different video, of only him dragging her unconscious out of the elevator, surfaced in February of this year. The Ravens later tweeted that his fiance "deeply regretted her role in the incident", held a press conference where he gave the least sincere "apology" ever (and she apologized too), and then suspended him for 2 games. Michael Vick went to jail for dog fighting. Others get worse suspensions for marijuana possession. And it would have stayed that way if the video of the actual violence hadn't surfaced. Reprehensible.

[livii.livejournal.com]

think that gender equality means "hit anyone back" instead of "don't hit anyone,"

omg I have been frothing at the mouth over this one.

The whole thing is so fucking sickening. I hope Goodell resigns. He should. By all accounts he DID see that video (and even if not - the video we did have was already unbelievably awful, the way he treated her unconscious body) and let a victim of domestic abuse apologize for being abused and let her abuser basically walk.

("If I hadn't been drunk, he wouldn't have hit me. If I hadn't made him mad, he wouldn't have hit me.")

HOW IS IT 2014 AND THESE MEN STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND ANY OF THIS???

Great article.

[eve11]

"If I hadn't been drunk, he wouldn't have hit me. If I hadn't made him mad, he wouldn't have hit me."

HOW IS IT 2014 AND THESE MEN STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND ANY OF THIS???


I know. SMH. Devaluing women is endemic especially in sports culture, starts early, and then they have to see with their own eyes what the prevailing attitudes have wrought, and they still blame the victims. I know I shouldn't read comments on articles but holy crap the number of people who even after seeing that video were saying "self defense" or "he has a right to hit back" (even with "but K-O-ing her maybe was a bit too far") makes me despair for this country. How is it filled with so many assholes?

[brittdreams.livejournal.com]

So whether or not the NFL saw the video has become a very interesting topic among sportswriters. Because, months ago, they were all reporting that the NFL was aware of the video. And now, they're saying they were blindsided by the NFL saying yesterday that they hadn't seen the video. For example, Deadspin on Peter King's reporting.

Sadly, I've heard from more than one of my female friends in the past 24 hours that they don't see why this is such a big deal and that no one would be this upset if she had hit him rather than it being the other way around. I don't even bother arguing at this point because I'm too tired.

On the upside, here's a man who got it and, this is the big shocker, works for ESPN (though you have to wonder for how much longer). Keither Olbermann!

[eve11]

Yeah, the part where the first video, plus his admission that he DID in fact punch his fiance, was not enough to make people sit up and act. Not enough for them to do the right thing. And it still isn't. Mike Ditka's words yesterday upon seeing the tape (and learning of the suspension) were reprehensible. "His earning power is ruined now." Aw, because he "made a bad mistake" but probably isn't "a bad guy." And now "two lives are ruined".

Fucking asshole. This is the attitude that makes women shut up and keep taking punches until they die. This is the attitude that makes women bottle up their shame and blame themselves when they are raped by the high school star quarterback. This. This this this this.

[brittdreams.livejournal.com]

Yea, that's the part I don't get. It's sad that the video had to come out for the NFL, the team, etc. to decide to react. Mike Ditka is just reprehensible. As are a lot of the other men working for ESPN. Keith Olbermann was the exception yesterday, at least as far as I could tell.

[a-phoenixdragon.livejournal.com]

I don't know a damned thing about sports, but I saw red when I heard about this. I mean...in public. And this woman is his fianceee/wife...and no one is doing a damned thing?!

As for her apologizing...that's what always happens with people who are abused. Half of that is fear that the hubbabub will bring more abuse because they 'embarrassed' their abuser. Makes me sick. Makes me angry and sad, because I remember fear like that.

This man oughta be lyched. And his supporters oughta be hung by their toenails. No one invites such terror upon themselves. This is just...omfg, I'm going to shut my mouth now. It's either that or bite my own tongue in half in sheer disgust and outrage.

[eve11]

I hear you. I have thankfully never been in a situation like that but it's because my parents (flawed as their relationship was) made sure the cycle stopped with them.

It makes me so angry at the world. I think, this is 2014 and we should be better than this.

[a-phoenixdragon.livejournal.com]

That's what hubby and I are trying to do. It's a struggle, but we are definitely making it work.

Right?! We should be light-years ahead from where we were twenty years ago...but it seems we are steadily crawling backwards. *Fumes*

[flowsoffire.livejournal.com]

Ugh… This is just so utterly disgusting. I don't even have words for this… *shakes head*

[eve11]

It really is.

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

This whole thing is so disgusting that it was all I could think about during most of my morning commute and early morning meeting.

At the very least, I hope that Mansplainer asshole gets an earful of his wrongness. And I really hope that women finally realize the NFL does not give a single fuck about them. Pay cheerleaders? Nope. Fire men who are rapists? Nope. Fire men who beat their wives ON VIDEO? Well, only if you force us to. Go fuck yourselves.

[eve11]

Haha your icon.

Mainsplaining asshole is getting an earful of "fuck you"s in the comments from women and men alike (though mostly women).

[giallarhorn.livejournal.com]

Part of me finds it really hard to believe that people aren't reacting more about this/so slowly. Like, Micheal Vick (I think?) was jailed for dogfighting, but spousal abuse?

And again, this isn't the first time that something like this has happened (maybe a first for football?). But it's quickly degenerating into victim blaming cause blah blah abuse victims are at fault for staying with abusers/in abusive relationships blah fuck off. Plus somehow, the commissioner who saw the video some months ago and didn't do anything about it isn't resigning?