eve11 | Happy Birthday jenlev! (and some fic for the occasion)

Um, I don't write pr0n. Really.

*looks down*

Unless it's crack fic, apparently. So, with tongue firmly in cheek, here you go: Second String, PG-13, het, slash, humor, ~950 words.

Second String
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It had started out, innocently enough, as an intervention. Or at least as a plan for one. If pressed, Sam would blame what happened next on Teal'c, for not understanding why an intervention was necessary in the first place.

"Don't tell me you haven't noticed." She shuffled some papers and kept eyeing her closed lab door.

"What have I failed to notice, Major Carter?"

"About the Colonel..." She kept her voice low.

Blank stare. Sam realized her whole body was blushing, because her toes had started sweating. "Colonel O'Neill and, um, Daniel."

A pause. She could swear he was being dense on purpose.

"To what are you refer--"

"Oh come on!" she exploded, then caught herself, put up a finger and went to double-check the lock on her door. "They're having a relationship," she explained slowly. "As in... relations." She added gestures.

Teal'c blinked, furrowing his brow like he did when he was updating his internal table cataloguing cultural differences between Jaffa and Tau'ri. Sam, who could have sworn she was already crimson, felt her cheeks flush to what must have been lobster-bright color.

"I did not realize this was not normal Tau'ri custom," Teal'c said. "It is customary among Jaffa to—"

She held up a hand. "It's okay, you don't have to explain."

"Master Bra'tac—"

"No. Stop." Her ears were throbbing, and not just from embarrassment. Good god, was this conversation turning her on? "Don't go there, really. It's just, if they get any more careless, Daniel's going to lose his job and the Colonel's going to go to prison."

"Indeed," Teal'c said, still frowning with the notion of processing the idea that officers and subordinates of any sex didn't normally sleep together in the Tau'ri military. Sam tried not to think about how much this fact seemed to have thrown him for a loop. Teal'c tilted his head, appraising her in an apparently new light, and she had to stop and think, wasn't she technically his superior? And what effect did that have on his expectations of... of her? Not that she hadn't wondered idly now and then, how he kept his skin so smooth, or what the curve of his bicep felt like under her palm, or—

Oh god. Other things were starting to throb now. Her eyes darted around the room and she briefly wondered if that emergency chemical shower in the corner was at least cold.

"You believe they must be more subtle?" Teal’c asked.

She grit her teeth. "I think they're doing it on the base," she whispered.

"Daniel Jackson has seemed jumpy lately," Teal’c offered. "Perhaps he is nervous."

Sam leaned conspiratorially forward, and yeah, Teal'c smelled good. "And have you noticed how Colonel O'Neill has this sly grin plastered on his face every time we pass that supply closet in Corridor C?"

"Indeed. And in the locker room showers as well. Also I have noticed in the VIP wing--"

"Yes!" She jumped up, putting a hand to his forearm. "It's like he's cataloguing the doors! 'Got it, got it, got it, need it, need it, got it...'"

It was the last thing she expected would coax a full belly laugh from her teammate's stone features. And it was the very last thing she expected, that thirty seconds later she would be on her toes, arms around his neck and kissing him. Although, given their earlier conversation, she wasn’t that surprised to find him kissing back.

**

If pressed, Sam would blame what happened next on Colonel O'Neill. Because, after all, he and Daniel started it.

"Oh god, yes, just like that... ow!"

"The faucet again, Major Carter?"

"No, now there's a valve digging into my spine. How the hell did they even fit in here?"

**

And then, well, with SG-1's competitive streak, it just snowballed from there.

"Infirmary?"

"I believe it is no longer 'up for grabs'."

"Damn. Antiquities library?"

"They got the antiquities library weeks ago."

"Yeah, that was a long shot. Briefing room?"

Eyebrow tilt.

"Let's go."

"If we are discovered, will it not have serious repercussions?"

"We'll blame it on Hathor."

"Hathor is dead."

"I'll think of something science-y."

**

After all, the best defense was a good offense. And if Jack noticed their sidelong smirks, or the way Sam grinned like a naughty schoolgirl every time he picked that one chair in the briefing room at meetings, maybe it would give him a little perspective.

It was, all things considered, a terrible plan. But they were SG-1; they made terrible plans work for a living.

**

"They got Hammond's office? You've got to be kidding me!"

"I am not."

"That might be game, set and match--"

"Major Carter--"

"I mean, I don't know if we can beat that--"

"Major Carter!"

"Hmm? Sorry. Why are you smiling?"

"Have I ever told you where Ry'ac was conceived?"

**

"Yes, yes, yes... don’t you dare stop and that’s an order..."

"Oh... Samantha Carter..."

VWOOOP! VWOOOP! VWOOOP!

"Yes! Yes! Almost!"

"Unscheduled Offworld Activation!"

"Almost, oh my GOD--!"

KA-WHOOOOOSH!

**

Four pairs of boots clattered down the steel mesh inches above their heads. When the coast was clear, Sam rolled off of him and Teal’c sat up, sweat-streaked.

"I believe we now have the upper hand, Major."

"Wow, my legs are still shaking."

"It was invigorating, if a close call."

"Sorry, I guess I was pretty loud."

"It is lucky SG-9 came when you did."

She smacked him on the arm.

**

"No way."

"It's true, I swear."

"And they--?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"And we--?"

"Can't beat them."

Jack toyed with a pencil holder on Daniel's desk. "Ah, cripes. The thrill is gone, now."

"So."

"So, you wanna go back to my place?"

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